Fresh Afghan Meals

Like living and dying is all he ever did...

The Old Chisholm Trial....

Bad string of sushi buffets from D.C. into MD

I-270, the Pepto Expressway

Ham Sandwich in Peru

The packaging looks legitimate.  This is the Hiram Bingham train.  But this ham sandwich made me ill for about 30 hours.

Let's go to Atlantic City this weekend

A great place to eat:

Souzai Sushi & Sake (image from Google Maps).  "The fish tasted so spoiled and smelled rotten.  I bit into the salmon and pockets of water bursted into my mouth.  I almost vomited."

And I can even recommend a place to stay:

Some nasty fusion in Houston, Texas

Bouray's Mexican Vietnamese Restaurant (image from Google Street View).  A friend of mine recommended this place.  Burritos, tacos, and pho noodles...it might be safer to eat a salmonella-covered iguana.

These places may ruin your outer banks vacation

Dirty Dick's Crab House (image from Google Maps).  This place makes a second appearance.  At the North Carolina location, one patron saw the waiter "reach in the garbage can and pull out unused condiments."  I would have expected more from a place called Dirty Dick's.....

Flying Fish Cafe (image from Google Maps).  Hives and food poisoning sounds horrible.  

Papa's in the house

Papa Joe's Pizza (image from Google Street View).  I wonder if they serve Mountain Lightning or Dr. Bold (http://inventorspot.com/war_of_off_brand_sodas)

A nasty drive home in Annandale, VA

A few places I drove by on the way home that gave me pause.

Jerry's Subs and Pizza (image from Google Street View).  Probably not a good choice.  Doesn't Domino's make subs now?

Pike IV and Ju Mak IIB (image from Google Street View).  Definitely not a good choice.  Both of these places make me queasy.

Valentino's (image from Google Street View).  "Just like mama used to make it. . . ."

Cigarettes and Dairy Queen

Mama Mia Too (image from Google Maps).  "Only after smoking many cigarettes and a visit to Dairy Queen did the taste of rancid meat start to fade" after eating at this restaurant in North Carolina.  Sounds appetizing.

Boiled in mildew and served with spoiled meat

There are only so many nasty places that I've actually seen, so a lot of these places I find by searching Google Maps for "spoiled meat" and other searches ("rancid meat," "nasty seafood," etc...; and obviously "food poisoning").  There are quite a few hits just in the Penn Quarter area of DC.  And, for the record, I've eaten at the Penn Quarter Sports Tavern and it's not that bad.

Press your luck in Washington, D.C.

Fortune Express Carry Out (image from Google Street View).  One of the few places that I'd pass up to eat at Subway.

Mid Town Food Mart in Houston, Texas

Mid Town Food Mart (image from Google Street View).  Sometimes taquerias serve delicious food.  But this place looks a little shaky.

Ready to roll the dice in Houston, Texas?

Lucky Burger (image from Google Street View).  "It looks like somebody died in there."

Ethiopian Food by U Street in DC

Queen Makeda Ethiopian Restaurant (image from Google Street View).  Ethiopian food is a big thing in DC.  Maybe some places are good.  But this place looks high-risk.  And Ethiopian food smells like it's low-reward.

Let's sit outside so I can get some fresh air

Panda Cafe (image from Google Street View).  This place is next door to the Mehran House of Kabobs & Curries from the prior post, which furthers my theory that these nasty places bunch together.  Both places look particularly dangerous.  Good thing they are surrounded by the GW Medical Center and a Kaiser Permanente.

Looking for a doctor's note to get out of class?

Mehran Restaurant (image from Google Street View).  You think the professor will give him extra time to take the exam?

Another nasty cluster in Arlington, Virginia

Good Fortune, Panda Bowl, and Kabobs Inn (image from Google Street View).  All your food poisoning needs in one location.  "Darn, they're out of the mixed meat kabob at the Inn.  Guess I'll have to get some chow fun at Panda Bowl.  Or maybe the crab rangoon at Good Fortune...."

After finding three "food poisoning centers" in Arlington, I'm starting to think that Hotelling's law may apply to the market for rancid meat. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hotelling%27s_law.  And it's probably not a coincidence that the Arlington Free Clinic is under a mile away.

Good Places to Eat in Austin

Not every place is nasty or makes me queasy.  I got back from Austin and can vouch that these places were very good:

• Kerbey Lane: migas, pancakes, and queso (Guadalupe and 26th)
• Lonestar Kolache: all of the kolaches are awesome (38th and Lamar)
• Home Slice: pizza and garlic knots (South Congress)
• Lambert's: brisket, hot links, fried green tomatoes, and mac-and-cheese (Guadalupe and 2nd)
• Guerro's: queso and tacos (South Congress)
• Phil's Ice House: burgers (Burnet and Northland)
• Turf N Surf Po' Boys: buffalo steak sandwich (Food truck at Congress and 3rd)
• Mi Madres: breakfast tacos (Manor and Coleto)
• Texadelphia: founder's cheesesteak (San Antonio and 15th)
• Cru Wine Bar: pizza and fried goat cheese balls (Domain)
• Shady Grove: burgers and queso (Barton Springs)

$2.99 for lobster bites? I'm in....

Long John Silver's (image from Google Street View).  Fast-food seafood just generally makes me queasy.  In fairness, I haven't eaten at this place in almost 20 years.  But a for-profit establishment can't sell real lobster for as much as a grande coffee.  It costs $2.99 just to smell lobster.  And even real lobster places like Red Lobster are starting to phase out actual lobster: http://sanfrancisco.grubstreet.com/2012/04/red-lobster-rock-lobsters-aquafarm-malaysia.html.  Yummm, this lobster-based product tastes delicious....

Someone needs to open up an outpatient clinic in this shopping center

Bangkok Siam and Ravi Kabob (image from Google Street View).  I bet the street value of Pepto and Imodium is like $10 a hit in this zip code.

I'll have a Pisco Sour and some Pepto Bismol

Chicken Pollo (image from Google Street View).  Maybe I have an aversion to Peruvian food after getting sick in Peru.  But this place just looks outright dangerous.

Let's spend a casual evening trying to keep down some uncooked chicken

Cheddar's Casual Cafe (image from Google Street View).  This place makes me queasy.

Full disclosure: I actually got sick from the chicken tender plate at an East Texas Cheddar's about 5 years ago.  But, hey, I did get a lot of food for a reasonable price.

Hungry for more delicious kabob?

Afghan Restaurant (image from Google Street View).  This place just looks dangerous.

Don't worry man, I'm sure it's legal

Legal Sea Foods (image from Google Street View).  This place actually has good reviews, but the emphasis that the food is "legal" just gives me pause....Like the law is the only thing that stops them from serving spoiled fish.

Hopefully food poisoning is all you contract . . .

Dirty Dick's Crab House (image from Google Street View).  Just foul.

Have I accumulated enough sick days to eat kabob from this place?

Lahori Kabob (image from Google Street View).  Don't just take it from me.  According to the only Google review, the food in the buffet area was "the worst food i ever have tasted."

Full disclosure: One of my family members actually got colitis from a kabob place, but not from this establishment.

Is anybody going to San Antone...?

Coyote Canyon (image from Google Street View).  Why pay more to get sick at the Golden Corral when Coyote Canyon’s all you can eat steak buffet is only $5.99?

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I'm Sure the Sushi Buffet is Fresh

Sorak Garden (image from Google Street View).  I hear the sushi is divine.

Places to Avoid in Arlington, Virginia

Edy’s Chicken & Steak and the Bamboo Buffet (image from Google Street View).  I don’t know which one of these places makes me more queasy.

Good Bye to the Feed Lott

The Feed Lott (image from Google Street View).  This burger place in East Texas has since closed down, but I sure do miss it.  For some reason, I was the only one who ever wanted to go there.  I mean, it looks safe, right…..?

Longhorn Po-Boys

Longhorn Po-Boys (image from Google Street View).  This place is a gloves-free sandwich shop in Austin that employs a lot of hipster types.  It’s one of those places where your sandwich picks up the entrails of the sandwich ordered by the person in front of you.  I once saw one of the workers, post-cigarette, mixing tuna fish and mayo with his bare hands in a big bowl.

So, if you have to eat there, a food safety tip: Order the meatball sub.  It requires the least amount of handling.

UPDATE: Apparently this place has closed down.

In the beginning...

Driving by the local “Z Kabob” a few months ago, I had the idea for this blog.  But the story behind the idea begins much earlier—-a day old tuna sandwich, a glass of expired apple juice, a basket of rubbery chicken tenders from an East Texas Cheddar’s, seared Ahi Tuna probably fished from the nearby San Antonio Riverwalk.  A few years ago, I ate a room temperature “ham” and cheese sandwich on a train in Peru.

All of these choices ended painfully.  And, as a consequence, I’ve developed a sense of what to avoid.  I’ll post photos and comments about some of those places.  Hopefully they’ll be funny.  And feel free to send in your own photos and comments to colitiscape@gmail.com.

I have nothing against any restaurants that appear on this blog.  I’m sure most of their patrons don’t get ill.  But, when I pass by these establishments, my gut tells me that Taco Bell may be a better option tonight, always an ominous sign…